Unlocked Memories...

I’ve been reading a book called “Heroes Among Us” and it consists of first person accounts of the actions of Medal of Honor, Distinguished Service Cross, and Silver Star Medal winners in the Iraq and Afghanistan conflicts. Some of these stories are amazing, and it makes me wonder what motivates them to engage in what seems impossible, only to pull it off against all odds. One thing I find similar in most of the accounts is that the soldiers involved accepted the fact that they were going to die, and they were able to continue against insurmountable odds because they made that decision. If they tried to figure out how to execute their missions, and stay alive, they probably would never even make the attempt. Staying alive would seem impossible, and having that point as part of their decision making criteria would render them ineffective and unable to go on. Logic and common sense would dictate self-preservation instead.

Reading their accounts brings back vivid memories of some of my experiences as a US Navy Diver, when I served on submarines from 1983 to 1995. I was a Reactor Operator and Electronics Technician in the nuclear field, but most of my experiences that have helped define who I am today came through my training and missions as a US Navy Diver. To be honest, I should not be alive today. I can think of two occasions where death seemed imminent, and should have claimed me. I can think of many more occasions when I was in life threatening situations. I also was in a situation where I saved the lives of several other people, who would have died without my involvement. Both experiences, facing death and saving another’s life, help to define who you are as a person. Those experiences add a dimension to your character that you probably would never have without going through those experiences. You gain a perspective that is not available in any other way.

I am in no way trying to compare my experiences with those of soldiers in a combat situation. The things I did during the Cold War were dangerous, risky, and life threatening at times, but I was never in a combat situation. My experiences related more to extreme sports than they would compare to combat. The things I did were no different than some of the high-adrenaline extreme sports that people choose to do. Going into a combat situation, with a kill or be killed mentality, is something I can’t pretend to understand. I can only imagine that adds a whole new level of stress to the situation that is beyond most people’s ability to understand. I was only in difficult situations. My enemies were the elements of my surroundings, and my own limitations of strength and will power. Imagine being in extreme situations with other people also trying to kill you…

I have considered writing about some of my military experiences for years, but I just never have. My life threatening experiences occurred in the late 1980’s, so we are talking 20 years ago. Wow, where does the time go? I only occasionally think about those experiences, and over time, the details seem to have faded. In recent years, I would think about those experiences in general terms only. While reading through some of the accounts of soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan, my own high-stress, death-defying memories came flooding back into my mind. The crisp details have somehow been allowed to surface, coming back to me in full force. Reading about these high-stress, impossible situations has somehow unlocked the feelings, the tastes, sights, sounds and smells that were involved in my experiences. I remember the smell and taste of the salt water in the Arctic Circle, I remember the feeling of sliding down the smooth metal surface of the submarine, and hitting the water twelve to fifteen feet below. I remember the incredible strain of climbing the Jacob’s ladder, supporting my weight and 150 lbs of gear using only my fingers. The 2 inch square wooden slats that slide into the canvas sleeves of the Jacob’s ladder are all I had for a hand holds. You are not able to wrap your fingers around the slat and grip it like a bar. Imagine a 280 lb wooden door that you have to lift straight up vertically. Your fingers have to grasp the door like a clamp, squeezing down on the surface of the door, instead of wrapping around and lifting. That is what it is like to climb a Jacob’s ladder fully loaded with dive gear. I remember the non-skid surface of the submarine digging into my knees and lower legs, and feeling the blood trickle down. When you are in difficult situations, your brain seems to operate faster than normal. Your perception is that everything going on around you seems to slow down. You notice absolutely everything in slow motion, and your brain records all of it with a clarity that you do not normally experience. Over twenty years, all of those high stress induced memories have gone dormant. Reading about other people being in those situations has somehow brought my memories to life again. I can close my eyes and feel the pain, smell the salty air, hear the churn of the main engines below me, feel the rumbling vibrations through the hull of the submarine, I can hear the screams of the topside crew, of the people who fell into the 29 degree water with no exposure gear… all of it, just like I am still there. I can remember the individual bulging veins on the Captain’s forehead and neck due to his stress of having multiple unprotected men overboard in the Arctic Circle, with 20 foot white caps hitting us. Those people were going to die within fifteen to twenty minutes without help. The currents were doing their best to carry them away from the ship, which would have meant certain death for them. I remember, from another situation off the coast of Sardinia, returning to consciousness 135 feet under water, with my face mask full of water and having no idea where I was, how I got there, or how I was going to get to the surface. I remember being in the harbor in Naples, Italy, furiously working to free 4” in diameter ropes that were fouling our propeller and SPM… with a sea-going tugboat propeller spinning six to eight feet above my head, trying to keep us from running aground. I remember how white my knuckles were due to my tight grip on the SPM housing to keep from being sucked into that enormous propeller. The turbulence it created was massive… I could feel the vibrations travel through the water, and just continue through my body. I know what it feels like to be a tomato about to enter a food processor… I remember with stunning clarity of looking over my right shoulder and seeing the mouth of an eight foot long Blue Shark coming right at me, then hitting me and pushing me through the water off the coast of Andros Island. I recall the subtle differences in shades of color of his skin around his mouth and the color of his teeth…

Wow, my mind is churning over all the details that are flooding back… I’m going to have to spend some time and organize my thoughts and write about these events in a way that makes sense. Stay tuned and I’ll sort out all of these different events and write about them in detail…

Apparently, my coffee shop blog is turning into my coffee shop and everything else in my life blog! LOL